Let’s get something clear – love at first sight doesn’tyou find yourself making declarations of undying love five minutes after you’ve met someone for the first time, chances are your genitals have seized control of your vocal chords and are making you sound like a bit of an idiot when what you really meant to say was ‘I love having sex with you.’It’s easily done.
Sex and sexual attraction are such a massive part of dating that its not surprising many of us get confused between what is love and what is lust.
I know I struggle with it at times, especially when I find the woman I’m with insanely hot.
Here are five surefire ways to tell if your heart or your genitals are in charge of the words that come out of your mouth.
Love doesn’t want to own, control or possess
It wants you to help, support and encourage.
It is the desire to see the person you care for grow into the best person they can possibly be, even if you know that this means it could take them away from you.
Lust, however, just wants to be sated constantly. It is a craving, a yearning, a desire or an obesession without the urge to see the other person develop.
Lust is selfish
It thinks only of itself. Even when you are thinking of the other person 24 hours a day and you find yourself up all night ruminating on their magnificence, the only reasons you are thinking of that person so much is because of what they can do for you.
Love takes time
How can you love someone you don’t know?I’ve met many women I’ve thought were amazing, solely because I was attracted to them, only to find out later that they had personalities that made me want to claw my ears off so I didn’t have to listen to another word that came out of their mouths.Lust is obsessed with the physical
It is a narrow concept that doesn’t encompass the whole person, usually because you haven’t yet had the time to learn about the person fully.
Basically, you’d rather shag than have deep, meaningful conversations.
Love will urge you to find a balance between itself and lust
Lust, however, will want all of your attention and will encourage jealousy when its needs are not being met.
Lust is great. Let’s not pretend that’s not the case, but it’s not love, and the confusion between the two leads to all sorts of problems further down the road as you actually get to know someone.
However, luckily, most of us pass through lust to get to love and, if we’re lucky, the lust stays as the love develops.